THE POWER OF A PLOT TWIST
VULNERABILITY IS COURAGE UNDERCOVER
Hello Everyone, my name is Doiba I’m the host for the Conversasions on Demand (COD) podcast, Doiba Kike on Youtube. www.youtube.com/doibakikechannel.
Welcome back to a new article here at Limmy Health.
I recently started a series titled SHAME and the idea behind me exploring this topic was recognizing that we mostly know what we want out of life but the concern comes from taking the necessary steps to see what we want come to be. I do admit that many factors could contribute to why we do not take these steps. and whatever that looks like to you, is valid; I just hope you do what you can to make it happen for you. I also think that most of us want fulfilling lives and relationships which for the most part would be easier to attain if we are honest about the things we want out of life and to what extent our relationships could best serve us better in attaining our wants and vice versa.
This is the third week on the series and I feel with each episode, I am allowing myself and I hope yourselves as well if you’ve been following the series on Youtube to look deeply into some area that could possibly hold one back from truly reaching and exploring our potentials meanwhile continuing to embrace our truth as we become our best selves.
This week I will be exploring the topic around vulnerability, What is vulnerability?
One book that allowed me to embrace the concept of vulnerability was Dare to Lead by Brene Brown and this was her definition of vulnerability. Vulnerability is "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." It's that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.”
Losing control was the thing for me, I like control and I believe many of us do too. I like for my plans to go exactly as I wanted them to, but this is not always sustainable. And the thing with control is that, it mostly thrives in familiarity. Expecting things to go your way, but once presented with situations outside our comfort zone, we completely lose it. Many of us keep doing the same thing that no longer serves us but because we feel a degree of shame with doing somethings we are not familiar with, such as being judged or misunderstood so we stick with patterns, lifestyles, relationships, and situations that needs to be dealt with. I do want to say that the topic of vulnerability looks different to different people.
Now, what are some disadvantages of not being vulnerable?
Invulnerable is unhealthy for your mental wellness and does not benefit your relationships.
Contrary to popular beliefs of associating weakness with vulnerability, in-fact it’s a sign of courage to be vulnerable. I started this year on my podcast with a series titled Courageous living. During the episodes I came to the conclusion that courageous living is not necessarily that you feel courageous all the time, but that you stay courageous; beyond the doubts, fears, and feelings! It is also more than just the wins, but more of staying through the challenging times. I can attest that this year has been the most challenging for me so far for reasons such as plans to further my education, friendship, business and others, yet it has also been the year that I have experienced the most benefits of vulnerability and the courage that comes with it. I continue to be more confident in my choices and saying NO so the things I say YES to get my full attention. I would not have been able to do so when I was trying to hold everything hanging on a thread because I didn't want to lose the control of things falling apart. Being vulnerable has made me attract some amazing people into my life that continue to teach me to be myself and live.
Many of us are unhappy, emotionally drained, bagging unhealthy friendships and relationships, and just frustrated. So I welcome you to be more vulnerable and be openly honest to yourself and others.
Many of us are unhappy from feeling unfulfilled because no one really knows what we want and also because we did not fully communicate these feelings to begin with.
Emotional instability which sometimes comes as a result of pleasing people. I personally struggled with this. I now call myself a recovering people pleaser. I have an outgoing personality so sometimes it could be hard to drop everything and communicate what I need especially in social gatherings. I used to make sure everyone is happy around me and if one is not, I get worried and would sometimes put myself in discomfort, just so people are happy. But at the end of the day I would mostly feel unhappy because despite caring for others, which we all need to do, the timing wasn’t right for me. The thing about pleasing people is that on the surface it may look like doing the right thing but the pleaser and the pleased ends up frustrated because they are not getting what they both need.
Many of us have also accumulated unhealthy relationships by not being vocal about the things we truly want. Leading to a victim mindset. Victim mindset has I put it may look like feelings as though your kindness is taken for granted. Do you have a friend that you mostly go to and complain to about how someone made you feel not great about something and you continue to make these complaints instead of talking to the person in concern directly about what you need and come to a mutual arrangement about it. Also, looking at it again, is it fair to always put our listening friends in the place where they had to listen to us whine when in fact we really should take ownership of our life?
One can miss out on receiving support by not being vulnerable. Have you ever experienced situations like, someone you thought you knew, but you don’t know what they are passionate about then one day finding out that there are things they cared about that you truly could have supported them better with but was not aware of because you only saw a part that they wanted you to see? And sometimes we make the excuse of saying we want our things to be private, which does not help. It can be challenging to support others when the type of support they need is not expressed.
And lastly at the root of being so invulnerable is insecurities. Have you given a compliment to someone and the next thing they say back to you is a comment that either counters the complement or fires back a complement your way. Instead of a thank you! they want to talk about why they are not deserving of the compliment and/ they say a complement back to you. There it is, the need for control that breeds insecurity. I think what differentiates secured people from insecure ones is that, secured people know they are not perfect, but they are self aware and make sure their values are well communicated to the point where they don’t feel the need to hide their flaws.
I get the nudge that someone might say, I do not need for everyone to know my business, being vulnerable does not mean spilling your entirety to everyone you meet, it simply means that let your living be expressed with yourself and with others so freely that you can truly be enriched.
You will see that most of your anger and resentment against others would go because you have identified that you are fully responsible for yourself and not at the mercy of others.
Benefits of Being Vulnerable
You relinquish the need for control.
Authenticity: You are free to be you.
A more fulfilling life: Get what you want out of life.
I hope this was a great read for you…
Until next time keep living!!!!!
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